ONE TUTU TOO MANY
From the album Happy Accidents
© 2009 by Billy Jonas (Bang-A-Bucket Music/BMI) & Laura Mahr

- PART ONE -

Once upon a time
I was on the brink
I was so thirsty
I could hardly think
I ordered a lemonade or two or three or four and then I ordered one more for the road
They said, “That's one too many.”

So I ran
A wanted man
With my lemonade
ONE TOO MANY

To a snazzy little jazz café where they really blew the blues
I used to be a playa so I'd come to pay my dues
I asked them for a solo
They would not give me any
So I grabbed a trumpet TOOT
They said, “That's one toot too many.”
So I ran
A wanted man
With my lemonade
ONE TOO MANY
Trumpet
ONE TOOT TOO MANY

To a theatre
For a tutu
To wear as a disguise
I found several
And they all seemed to fit
To my surprise
I managed to squeeze twenty-two tutus ‘round my fanny when the manager burst in and said,
“That's one tutu too many.”

So I ran
A wanted man
With my lemonade
ONE TOO MANY
Trumpet
ONE TOOT TOO MANY
Tutus
ONE TUTU TOO MANY

To a tattoo parlor 'cause all this stuff was hot
I said, “Can you tattoo a two on to everything I've got?”
He did the lemonade, the trumpet, and twenty-one tutus plenty
But the twenty-second tutu there was “one tutu tattoo too many.”
So I ran
A wanted man
With my lemonade
ONE TOO MANY
Trumpet
ONE TOOT TOO MANY
Tutus
ONE TUTU TOO MANY
Tattoos
ONE TUTU TATTOO TOO MANY

To a Transylvanian boxing match
To try the ol’ ‘one-two’
I jumped into the ring
He hit me
One-two-two-two-two-two
I said “I vant to von-two-two-two too”
“You vant to whvat?”
“I vant to von-two-two-two-two-two too”
he said, “That's von vant to two-two-two-two . . . two too many.”
So I ran
A wanted man
With my lemonade
ONE TOO MANY
Trumpet
ONE TOOT TOO MANY
Tutus
ONE TUTU TOO MANY
Tattoos
ONE TUTU TATTOO TOO MANY
Boxing match
ONE VANT TO VON-TWO-TWO-TWO-TWO . . . TWO TOO MANY!

- PART 2 TOO -

Well that’s not the end of the story, I spent years on the run
And I found work in a calendar factory -- kind of fun
As the years went by I forgot all that tutu hullabaloo
And I figured my fixations and my running days were through

Until one day I saw it was the year two thousand twenty two
And then December twenty second — two thousand twenty two — oo…
When you write that date, it’s 12 22 22
That’s SO fun to say! C’mon — 12 22 22!

Three cheers and hip hooray — everybody: 12 22 22!
Like an extra holiday lets all say 12 22 22!
Hey! It’s a good idea — an extra holiday
I proposed it to the union chief to see what he’d say — cuz

You can never have too many holidays, and this year they’re on parade:
The 22nd’s ONE day after solstice and it’s
TWO days before Christmas Eve and
THREE days before Christmas Day and
FOUR days before Kwanzaa, and the
FIFTH night of Hanukkah
FIFTY NINE days after Diwali

Whatever. Anyway …

It's worthy of a holiday: 12.22.22 Day!
when it comes you can say “Hey, its 12.22.22 Day today"
I think it’s worth commemorating with a tattoo — don’t you?
Of course you do! Wouldn’t you too want a 12.22.22 tattoo?
Even better, get a tutu tattooed with that 12.22.22
Everybody gonna wanna get a 12.22.22 tutu tattoo

Now… if you get a "12.22.22" tutu tattoo
And your friends all get "12.22.22" tutu tattoos too
Then you’d of course have to be different, of course, it’s your duty
Pick a place that no one else has tattooed — how ‘bout your patootie?
And then hope your tattoo artist is still firing on all cylinders
Otherwise he might get carried away, spin you ‘round, put an extra on your cylinder

At which point you’d be obligated, after exhortations
To recount the slings and arrows of your awkward situation
How you ran, a wanted man, with your
Lemonade - one too many
Trumpet - one toot too many
Tutus - one tutu too many
Tattoos — one tutu tattoo too many
Boxing match — one want to 1 2 2 2 2 2 too too many
Until this final opportunity in two thousand twenty two for a
NEW TATTOO! But that extra tattoo — oo!
That was one 12.22.22 tutu tattoo too many

Until 200 years later in the two thousand two hundred twenty two
When the year itself will be — yep — 2 2 2 2
And that January 22 will be 1.22.2222
And February 22 will be 2.22.2222
And November 11 will be 11.11.2222
And December 22nd will be 12.22.2222
You can get that tattoo, and don’t forget the tutu
Then get it once again, in stereo on your fanny, that’ll be
One 12.22.2222 tutu tattoo too many

Unless your buddy Lulu decides to get one too
And you’ll say, “You have one too?”
She’ll say “Yes I do!”
Then you’ll say,
“Lulu, THAT’S ONE 12.22.2222 TUTU TATTOO TOO, TOO MANY!"